How to Sleep Pretty

I’m an ugly sleeper. There. I said it. “No, Lauren. You’re a cute girl, I’m sure it’s–” No. NO. Thank you, but no.

It’s okay, I’ve accepted it. It all started when I was just a little girl. My first sleepover at Jana Keller’s house. I wake up in the morning to her and her mom standing over me, “Are you ALIVE? You sleep with one eye half open.”

Until this moment, my greatest fear was that I’d pee on her Care Bear sheets. But this? This was news. From that day forward, my staying the night anywhere came with a signed agreement to not call 911 to resuscitate me. I was not near death, I was simply in an epic session of shuteye. Pun intended.

Along with my weak eyelid, I’m a mouth breather, a drooler and seasonal snorer. You might imagine I struggle to achieve the peaceful, angelic form of a pretty sleeper. Maybe some of you can relate. Here are some tips for looking our best, even when we sleep.

USE A SLEEP MASK

Ever rush out the door to run errands and cover half your makeup-free face with those oversized sunglasses? An eye mask will serve the same purpose whether you use it to conceal your wonky eye or maybe you feel more confident after the puffy morning-eyes have had time to de-puff.

CHEW GUM BEFORE BED

This tackles the mouth breathing. Chew gum with your mouth closed while you’re getting ready for bed. You will have a better chance at nasal breathing since you’ve prepped your body for it with the gum chewing. Just don’t forget to ditch the gum before you actually fall asleep. Nobody likes a mouth breathing, drooling, wonk-eyed snorer with gum in her hair!

SLEEP ON YOUR SIDE

Most people snore while sleeping on their back. Create a pillow fortress around you to avoid sleeping on your back.  Start off the night by sleeping on your side or stomach. The fortress is meant to be an obstacle course so you either can’t get on your back, or you wake up from the struggle. If your snoring is seasonal, check with your doctor to see if you would benefit from an antihistamine regimen.